my fourth letter

my love,
here i was going to write a poem about my love for you because all of my poems, my writings, turn into that for some reason. like i don't know the reason.. i've known the reason for over two years now. longer. my heart has ached and ached. of course i know the reason. most of my thoughts have been about you - either sifting through old memories with you or wondering how you are.. what you're doing.. what your life looks like. you once wrote to me that i'm your north star. that i have your heart. truly you were my north star. you are my north star. without you i wouldn't be who i am today. i think i would've gone deeper into despair. you are my reminder for how i want to live, who i want to be. it's you. it always has been. for so long i thought i was helping you, but you were truly the one helping me. softening my worn, tough heart. making me realize things i never would have without you. from our first date when we talked about people's stories, how i said that i find most people boring, then you blasted the doors to my mind and heart right open saying - "i find everyone's stories interesting. even the boring ones". i told you that night that you made an impact on me that will last my whole life. i can feel myself in the car as i'm dropping you off telling you that while you cried. hugging you. feeling your warmth. it feels like yesterday to me. time truly stopped for me once you left. you have my heart. you have my soul. you have my existence in this life.. the next.. and the next. you, again, wrote to me that you feel like our souls met in a previous life. i feel that connection more than you could ever know.

i'll share a poem that i wrote thinking about you from awhile ago, and one that hits home to me

i fell for you the moment i saw you

without truly knowing
i fell
i fell for your way of thinking
your beautiful perception of the world
your beauty that ignites flames within me
your intelligence which awes me
your kindness that warms my heart

but none of that is truly why i fell for you
your soul ignited mine
like a moth drawn to a flame
like two atoms tied together across the universe
your soul drawn to mine
as if the colliding of our souls exploded the universe
my universe

maybe the other one doesn't fit. so i'll save it for the next letter

with all of my love,
- Dev