every night, before i go to sleep, when i’m laying in bed staring at the wall in front of me or while i’m on my phone or when i’m on my computer, i think of you. i think of you cuddled up next to me. i think of how you interact with sylvie and jiji. i think about what you’re doing right then or how you’re feeling. every day when i awake i wonder how you slept. i look to my side longing to wake up beside you once more. longing for you to pull me into bed to continue cuddling. i wonder what you have going on that day. i wonder what shows you’ve watched or books you’ve read. i wonder if there have been any crazy plot twists that have made you gasp. i wonder if there is anything that has made you cry. everyday you continue to occupy my mind. i can’t remember the last day i haven’t thought of you. it’s probably before you sent that craaazzzyyy message to me on bumble. our first interaction. i wonder if you’ve moved on..
i’m still heartbroken.
i wonder if i cross your mind anymore. i wonder if you’ll still think of me the same way you did before. as i do you. i wonder if you’ll see me the same way. i’ afraid that everything will always be different between us. i guess that’d be fate though. in a world filled with endless possibilities, endless horrors, endless beauties, endless opportunities, the only thing i can imagine is you. it’s always been you. i wonder if you’ll ever be able to set your sights on me again. i have so many questions. i speculate. i’m so in my head about things. everything. i’m truly still crazy regarding you aren’t i? no matter how things settle down or stir up, i fear i’ll forever be crazy.
i feel as if my heart is dropping from a skyscraper. my heart wells up as my eyes follow suit. beating faster and faster, i feel as if it’s drowning. an overwhelming feeling i’ve felt way too often. afraid of never seeing you nor talking to you again, yet, afraid of what walking through the doors may entail.
“i’ll be waiting”
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