Well, tonight is my last night in Thailand.. until next time I guess. I wish I got to see you. I wish I got to speak with you. I want to make one thing clear.. I don’t want things to go back to how they were. I don’t want to live in the past. I love you and want to be with you, but I don’t want to just go back to what we had. I want to support your life. I want to support you as you take Thailand head-on. I want to support your growth however you would need me to. I want to come together to figure out a life we can be happy with. I want to be present in your life. I want to call and text everyday. I want to check in all the time and share our lives together. I want things to be different than how they were. I don’t want to be so separate like we were towards the end. I know maybe you don’t want these things. I know maybe you don’t miss me or love me anymore. I know. But if you do, I want you to know that in no way do I want to hold you back from growing. All I want is to support the person I love unconditionally. I want to be more vocal about our needs, our worries, our mistakes, etc. I want to compromise more. It’s not like I haven’t thought about everything regarding us. I want change, but I want that change to be with you.
I’ll always be open to you. If you ever change your mind I will be there. You have my heart, Deens.
I’ll be coming back to Thailand in July (maybe late May? that’d be crazy) after going to Turkey with my sister in June (which I want to invite you to. I’d pay for you and you don’t need a visa or anything.). I want to visit Thailand every season just because I kinda really enjoy it here. I’ve been working on my Thai a lot. Which reminds me, I got complimented on my tattoos here too. Seems like they’re a global attraction hehehe. I’m seeing about getting a LTR visa in Thailand and getting a condo here in Bangkok. These are my plans. Idk why I’m saying them.. maybe I just want to be open.
I hope to speak with you and see you sometime soon. I love you more than you know and I miss you like crazy.
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